When I know the office is gong to be full I worry the work day won’t run as smoothly. The stress of a crowded room can sometimes be overwhelming. But today we had one task and so worked together to achieve it. Working through problems together and laughing as we do is only one of the reasons I love my colleagues.
A rare day for myself, lost in other words and blanketed comfort.
I just wanna stay here for as long as you want to be.
Waiting atop a well known London hill, amongst the couples, on the most romantic day of the year. Below a solitary street lamp I stand and sigh with nervous expectation; looking left than right and back again. I am waiting for my Valentine but he is late.
In a perfect film like moment I feel all eyes turn to me. Breaking their loved filled evening to notice the only person standing alone. I want the ground to swallow me whole. I know that this is only the prelude to my night and that he didn’t mean this to happen but I can’t help but laugh at this particular situation I’ve got myself in to. How ridiculous I felt sat on a stone wall, in the shadows alone, as everyone else on that hill enjoyed the night.
When he did finally arrive, running up the other side of the hill, he tumbled in to my arms breathlessly rushing apologies. I gave him a hard time for it but really couldn’t stay angry for long. He put so much effort in to the rest of the night that I had no other option.
When he was late I was scared. Petrified because I thought the same things that ruined me last year were happening again . I know now that that is not the case and I should have trusted him. He is no one but himself and I need top stop vilifying him any chance I get. New starts, new connections and a new point of view.
I don’t take criticism, or anything close to it, very well. I’ve always been this way and it’s exactly why I don’t put myself out there as much as I should. I would rather live a safe life than risk being rejected or told I’ve done something wrong. But if it must happen it needs to be quick and (almost) painless. So please don’t delay telling me something that could impact us. Non communication ruined my life this past year and I want that to end now.
As much as I need to be open to learn and adapt, you need to too.
A year ago I would say words knowing that they would be ignored or deflected in bored resignation. So I could say whatever I wanted with no consequences or reaction and grew accustomed to that half life.
It’s not like that now, I keep saying things that are received and remembered. Words that are taken to heart and thought about. I keep letting my mouth run away from me causing misunderstandings that could be avoided. Relaxing in to this isn’t going to be easy.
Sitting in the sun planning out progression. We have more in common every time I sit down and talk with her. Rising voices and lasting laughter promote a two hour meeting. A shared annoyance of a colleague and similar views on life bring us closer, strengthening our dynamic. I think sometimes she is unsure of how we work but days like this remind us both of what we have. I am so lucky to have the colleagues I have, we all have things in common unique to us but also shared amongst six. My wonderful team.